In a matter of — What? Two weeks? Three? Life has changed. I resigned from work and I am back to being single.

I was thinking of buying my own domain again, with the name and all, but scratched that idea. I figured that can wait. Then by November, I’ll be coming back to school to finish my thesis and graduate. Finally. About the lack of a job… Next month, I’m going to hunt for one. But no more call centers for me. I hope. It’s just not my strongest suit.

“I’m under no illusion/As what I meant to you/But you made an impression/And sometimes I still feel the bruise/Sometimes I still feel the bruise…” Palagi na lang ako sablay kung pumili. I’m not going to dwell on the break-up and the feelings after the break-up. It’s not like I’ve never been through harder times than this one.

trembling blue stars lyrics

song lyrics

I don’t understand why she had to call him up and ask him what he (and his parents, as well) wanted as a present, since she’s out of the country. I don’t want to sound childish, but… They are over. It’s him and me now. Granted she doesn’t know we’re officially a couple now. But she knows we’re dating, at the very least. It’s got me quite upset. I know they’ve been together for a long time (3 years) and I understand and respect that fact, even the fact that she’s close to his family. After all, with three years’ worth of a relationship that’s bound to happen.

But I just wish she didn’t have to make her way back to his life at times.

Mother's Day today and typically me, I had to make a last-minute go at the mall to buy something for mother dear. Thank God she's very cool and hip for a mom, so there was no need to worry much about what to give to her.

Last Friday at work, I received my first ever call from this guy. I honestly could not understand more than half of what he was saying. It was a poor communication process. I know it was my fault, but he didn't have to say stuff like "This is shit." He even told me I should be fired! *lol*

"When we see a chance to be loved, who knows what we're capable of. Every story tells me this would last. You make my heart beat twice as fast… You won't be so easy to be around. I'm lost in you but you won't be losing me…"

I've always been used to getting hurt each time I fall in love. I don't know if it's just my luck, but they were all over before it even began and I always ended up getting left behind. Maybe it's because I never really bothered to show how I really felt back then. Louie, my bestfriend, told me I always had the tendency to hold back. Why not? Not unless I'm a hundred percent comfortable with someone, that's the only time I would allow myself to bare my feelings and emotions. Showing how vulnerable I am is a scary thought. It's like stripping myself naked before someone else. I have been so used to being emotionally strong. You know, the one who could always look after herself. The kind who rarely sheds tears over something or someone. That's who I am.

But then he came and lately, I keep on thinking maybe it's worth it to bare myself. Voice out my sentiments, cry when I feel like it, show how jealous I am… "Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself, and hidden in the public eye. Such a stellar monument to loneliness. Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes and perfect makeup but you're barely scraping by, but you're barely scraping by…" I'm not sure, but I think I'm getting there. He's so nice. No, beyond nice. He's got this kind heart but he won't let anyone make a doormat out of him. He knows what he wants out of life and he does things to make them happen. He's mindful of what I need and what I think. When I'm with him, when I look at him, he makes all the other heartbreaks disappear. And I think I had to go through those to find out how lucky I am to have him at this point.

Okay, mushy much? *lol* You can go on commercial break now. I'm out of here.